Gross boys

Jude: Smell my butt!

Me: Ew! I'm not smelling your butt!

Noah: (goes over and sniffs) "Ew! It smells like hot fire!"

Candy police

Phonics

He was really excited about it

Bat Noah

I showed the boys "BatDad" on vines the other day and Noah got really into using the Batman voice.

After watching it again, he was talking like Batman the whole evening with his Uncle Sam. When it was time to go we were driving home in the car and Jamie and I were talking about how my brother Curtis (Uncle Shirt) would be sleeping over and Jamie was wondering where he would sleep. Noah pipes up in a perfect Batman voice,
He can sleep. on the top bunk. with me.

In perfect Batman voice with the right amount of pauses and everything. Jamie and I laughed so hard.

bubble paper - transcribed

Noah came up to me holding a large sheet of bubble paper while I was on the computer. I decided to transcribe what followed:

N: Hey Mom, can I have this?

Me: Sure.

N: Okay Jude, let's start at this end. I'm so excited to pop this paper!

1 minute later

N: I think Leah Mae would like to pop some of these. Because there's so many.

J: I haven't seen Leah Mae in a long time. In a long, long time.

J: I can't pop any! But I started to...Darth Potato wants to do some!

N: It's like people clapping, right Mom?

Me: Mmmhmm.

J: I can't do it.

N: It's because you have to press really hard.

J: Well, I started to.

N: It's because you were pressing really hard. And you had your feet on them.

J: Oh.

N: Blaise would loooooove this, right?

Oh random bubble paper. Note to self: buy bubble paper for long car trips.

where and who

In the car yesterday:

Jude: Mom? Where are we going again?

Me: We're going to Hannah & Elijah's house.

Jude: Oh. Right. *pause* Mom? Sometimes I don't know where we're going.

Oh my heart.

Then later at Jen & Graham's Jude came in and was looking for someone:

Jude: Mom? I can't find the tall one?

Me: *somewhat distracted and then realizing what he's saying* What? Who's the tall one?

Jude: Yeah. Oh hi! *turns to find Hannah*

Me: *laughing* Oh, Jude. That's Hannah! She's not "the tall one", she's Hannah!

Too funny.

bad guys

Jude went up to {Uncle} James and asked him which light saber he wanted:
Jude: Do you want green or yellow?
James: Um, yellow.
Jude: Okay so I'm green and I'm the good guy and you're yellow and you're the bad guy.
James: Aw, I don't want to be the bad guy!
Jude: Well then you shouldn't have picked the yellow light saber!

Obviously.

conversations like these happen every 8.3 minutes

Jude to me for the millionth time in the 5 minutes:

MOM? If I was this big *stretching his arms out to the widest they can go* I could lift this whole house, right?

Noah: Only God could lift this house.

Me: Well, there are machines that can lift houses.

Noah: Really, Mom? Aren't machines imaginary?

Me: No. Machines are real.

Noah: Oh.

awkward questions

On the weekend we had my sister and brother in law over and Jude turned to his uncle at one point and said,

Uncle Sam? How big is YOUR penis?

Oh Jude. Good thing your uncle found this incredibly hilarious instead of incredibly impertinent.

Jesus and car rides

Yesterday we were in the car and Jude asked:

Mom? Is God inside us?

I thought for a second and then said,

If you ask Jesus to come into your heart and forgive your sins, then yes. God does live inside you.

Jude said,

Yes. Jesus, I want to ask you to come into my heart.

Oh bless my soul, right there in the car he just asked Jesus into his heart.
Best.

cray-cray

Jude to me: Well Mom? You're just a bit cray-cray right now.

Seriously. The things they learn from the adults around here...ahem. Lisa.

helicopters and Star Wars

Today in the car Jude said to me:

Mom, I wish our car had a helicopter on top of it so we could fly to .... the sky. And the stars. And to Star Wars.

Noah then piped up, Well I wish I could fly to the Clone Wars!

Always the one-upping around here.

luckily all nights are not this bad

My night last night:

9:58pm - perfect. I'll just lock up, take the boys to go pee and then shower and feed Blaise and hopefully be in bed by 10:30.
10pm - take Noah pee.
10:03pm - take Jude pee. He is Mr. Chatterbox as he went to bed at 5:30pm with a fever. He's not as warm now, but has lots to talk about. For awhile he talks about Grandpa & Gramma and wondering how they got to Canada so fast and if we stay with them first, can we go to Canada after. I try to explain that they live in Canada. Is also requesting "icy cold water". I comply.
10:20pm - start the shower. It takes a few minutes to warm up. Unfortunately the hot water heater wasn't on. So it doesn't really ever warm up but becomes somewhat bearable to quickly shower down.
10:32pm - Blaise stirs as I get dressed in my pajamas so I feed him.
10:45pm - pull back blankets, put down mosquito net and get into bed.
10:48pm - read one chapter of Sparkly Green Earrings
11pm - turn off lights and fall asleep quite quickly

1:30am - Blaise wakes up. I get him and nurse him and change his diaper {Mr. Heavy Nighttime Wetter} and put him back in his pack 'n play
1:53am - Noah comes in requesting a shirt as I removed his when I took him to pee {it was a bit sweaty}
1:56am - go back to bed
2:10am - Jude comes in telling me he has to poop
2:11am - I wait in the bathroom for Jude to finish diarrhea so I can wipe him.
2:30am - we're both back to bed
2:45am - Noah comes in requesting a drink. Sigh. I get him one.
2:48am - back to bed
3:15am - Blaise cries out so I give him his soother and thankfully he settles
4:08am - Noah comes in telling me he wet the bed. Sigh. I find him some new underwear and change his sheets.
4:21am - we're both back to bed
5:30am - Blaise wakes up. I nurse him and pray he goes back to sleep. He does.
6:45am - Noah and Jude come in and mumble something quietly to me. I roll over and ignore them. They walk over to Blaise's crib and smile at him. Apparently he was awake. They leave. He starts crying. I want to scream.

My day has begun.

it's not even 10am

Jude to me,

"I wonder what God looks like... When can we see him so we can see what he looks like?"

Then later on as he was pretending to wear glasses and had verified both that Gramma wears glasses and that she's also my mother,

"So I'm your Mom, right?"

Silly kid.

Noah to me,

"When I'm a Daddy, I'm going to let my boys have water play. I'm going to let them have an iPad. I'll even let them...." trails off and comments on the Star Wars movie that's playing.

Now I'll never know what he'll let his boys do or have.

spelling

Today Jude's been asking everyone how their names are spelled and then repeating it.
In an attempt to spell Sean's name on his own, he shouted out,
S - E - X! SEX!

Ha. He doesn't even know what he just said. Thank goodness.

telling stories

As told to me by Jamie:

Tonight I was putting the boys to bed and I told them a story about Woofer the dog.
And then Noah wanted to tell a story. He said it was about a cat named Meower.
And then Jude wanted to tell a story about a bird.
Guess what his name was?

Me: Tweeter?

Jamie: Chick Hicks. {a car from the movie Cars}

Hilarious.

malaria

During the first 5 months here in Uganda, we were taking anti-malarials. For the boys, I would crush up half a pill and then serve it up in Nutella or chocolate syrup.
Now that we have another family with us, they have been taking the daily anti-malarials and their boys get a dose in chocolate syrup every day.
This morning Jude watched Cindy dish up Caleb (their youngest) his anti-malarials in chocolate syrup and then said,

I wish we could have malaria.

Too funny.

fruit punch

This morning Jude turned to me and said,

Mom? This juice isn't called fruit punch, it's called "fruit sit". Because it's just sitting. Not punching.

Awesome.

mixed up names

Jude to me: Mom, did you know Jennifer Grievous is a bad guy?

Me: *laughs* Jamie did you hear what he said?

Jamie: Who, Jude?

Jude: Jennifer Grievous. He's a bad guy!

Jamie: I think you mean General Grievous.

Jude: Yeah. General Grievous.

2 minutes later

Jude playing by himself: Jennifer Grievous! After him!

a morning with Jude

This morning the boys were playing outside and I was making pancakes and then Noah and Sean came running in and Noah said breathlessly:

Mom! Jude climbed up the water tower! He's there right now!

And my heart drops because the water tower in our backyard is a good 20 feet tall. Maybe more?

Jamie and I both run outside {forget the pancakes!} and Noah says,

No, not that one, Mom. The one behind the Party House!

Which is still high, but not as high as the other one. Whew. Jamie investigates and Jude climbs down without any issue.

Then later this morning Jude was sitting on the couch and Caleb was on the floor beside him, fussing a bit. So Jude gets down and hands Caleb a small baby car to play with and Caleb stops fussing. My heart melted and I said,

Aw, Jude! That was so kind. Good job, bud.

Jude smiled and turned to me,

It was my pleasure.

Seriously. Who is this kid?
I die.

pee

I'm still fuming about this, but I thought I'd write it up before I forgot.

Today Jude peed THRICE in his underpants. I got frustrated and told him that after the second time if he did it again, he'd lose his underpants.
He did it again.

So I took away his underpants.

They were cleaning up their room and Noah called me and said, "Jude peed in the block box!"

Sure enough, the cardboard box that they keep their wooden blocks in was on the floor with a puddle of pee in and around it.

In my head, I know this is funny. But my emotions are only rage. I muttered under my breath some profanities and things Jude makes me want to do, and then I put a diaper on my almost 4 year old.

The End.

Star Wars

Jude: Daddy, you know what I'm going to be when I grow up?
Jamie: No, what?
Jude: A JEDI!!!
Jamie: Whoa!
Jude: And do you know what colour my light saber is going to be?
Jamie: What?
Jude: *said in his best "bad guy/intimadating voice"* YELLOW!

Noah: Jude, there's no such thing as light sabers!

Jude: Yes there is!

Oh the conversations in our home...I love being a Boy-Mama!

little gentleman

After his bath tonight, Noah came out and asked me to read him his bedtime story tonight {Jude was still getting dressed post-bath}.
So I sat down on the couch with him and he handed me the book and then said,

I like that shirt on you, Mom. It looks nice.

Melt my heart, you sweet boy.

I said,

Thank you, Noah. That's such a nice thing to say.

And then he said,

You're welcome.

And then I read the story.
Such a sweet moment. I hope they always compliment others. And me. :)

clean up short cuts

The short-cuts have begun.

I told the boys they had to clean their room after their quiet time.
About 5 minutes later, Noah came prancing out and said they had cleaned.
I walked in and was pleasantly surprised at what I saw. For about .7 seconds. Then I noticed all their toys were pushed under Noah's bed.

It's begun. Tricky tricksters.

They come by it honestly, though. I used to do the same thing. Still do sometimes.

The funny part was that Noah seemed genuinely surprised that I noticed what they had done.
Oh kids. They have no clue.

moms and dads

Today Lisa was telling a story and mentioned her Dad. Jude piped up with the most incredulous voice,

Lisa, YOU have a DAD?!?

Lisa: Yep. AND a Mom, too!

Jude: AND a Daddy?

Lisa: Yes, I have a Mom and a Dad.

Too funny.

movies

After watching Madagascar 3:

Jude: Mom, the Ruski's right.
Noah: What's a Ruski?
Me: Someone from Russia. The tiger in Madagascar 3 - what was his name?
Noah: Vitali.
Me: Yeah. He's from Russia.

Just another typical day in our house.

media guru

Today I realized that I hadn't taken Blaise to the doctor's for his 6 month check up. Oops. He's 7 months old.
So I decided to schlep all three boys on my own to the doctor's office after Blaise woke up. While we were waiting for the doctor, the boys asked what the magazines were and who they were for. After I explained, Noah found "Popular Mechanics" and immediately started looking through the pictures. Jude looked at "Country Living" and then after a second he said,

Mom, this is a girl magazine!

Me: What makes you say that?

Jude: Because - 

And he opened it up to the first page and there was a woman wearing big diamonds in a jewelry advert. 

He's figured out the media already.

Smart kid.

Keanu Reeves

Overheard:

Jude: Daddy, I know Kung Fu...Panda.

For a second there, I thought Keanu Reeves had entered the room.

tetanus, anyone?

We've been having a hard day today.
Many fights. Lots of the boys yelling at each other and pushing each others' buttons. Jude crying a lot.

I hear Jude crying again and he comes out of the room into the living room with tears streaming down his face.

Me: What's wrong buddy? *giving him a hug*

Jude: *in between sobs* I scratched myself on my neck!

Me: *I look and see a red scratch that has broken the skin, but just barely* On what?

Noah: Oh me and Jude were playing with this hanger!

O hello rusty, metal hanger.

apples and the Bible

This morning I walked into the living room to find Jude eating an apple.

Jude: Look what I have, Mom!

Me: Jude! You know you have to ask before going into the fridge. And besides, I haven't washed it yet. You could get very sick.

Jude: continues eating said apple while walking to his room to clean up the mess I had previously told him to clean.

Later on....

Noah comes out of the room holding a green apple.

Noah: Mom, is this an apple core?

Me: What? No. Not yet. And where did you get that apple?

Noah: Jude gave it to me.

Jamie: *laughs* Who are you, Adam? "The brother you put me here with, gave me this apple."

Biblical humour at its finest, folks.

you spin me right round

Today the boys discovered how to twist the swings and then spin around. So of course I did what any normal mother would do and got them to sit in it while I twisted them up even higher for an even more dizzying and thrilling ride. I think this one was a bit too crazy for Jude.

(It's not letting me embed the video but you can check it out here: https://vimeo.com/63837419 )

oh the things that are said in our family

This morning Jude randomly said to me,

Jude: Yesterday Daddy swacked some ants with his penis.

Me: WHAT?!?

Jude: He swacked some ants with his penis!

Me: What? When did this happen?

Jude: Yesterday. In the morning. Outside.

Me: Did that really happen?

Jude: Yes.

Me: Are you sure? Was it in a dream?

Jude: Yeah. In my dream.

Me: That's still creepy.

And then later as we were talking about it...

Me: I'm totally posting about this on my blog.

Noah: Daddy swacked some people with his penis?

Me: NO!!! Not people! ANTS! ... This is totally going on my blog.

Jamie: Oh dear.

zoology.

Noah: Mom, do bears have whiskers?
Me: Yep. Some do.
Noah: So that means they're cats.
Me: No. They're bears.
Noah: But do rhinos have whiskers?
Me: No.

Jude: And turtles don't either.

So random.

first request but not the last

TLC was on tv and a commercial for the tattoo show came on.
Seconds later Noah asked,

Hey Mom? Can I get a tattoo?

Insert brief, momentary panic. Then logic prevails.

Me: Sure. But not until you're 18.

Noah: EIGHTEEN!? But I got when when I was four!

Me thinking: WHAT?

Wait for it....

Then out loud: Oooooh. You mean a temporary tattoo!

I laugh.

lost in translation

This morning Blaise was fussing a bit sitting beside me so I pulled him up onto my lap, facing me. I said,

Blaise! What is it, buddy? What do you need? Do you need a nap? Are you hungry?

Blaise just sat and stared at me.

Jude turned to look at me and said,

He said no. He doesn't need a nap. And yes. He's hungry.

I laughed and thanked Jude for translating.

apples

In the every day moments, I often feels as if I'll never forget the little mannerisms and sayings that my kids have. But inevitably I will. Not intentionally, but they'll gradually move onto something else and I'll forget how they used to say "ketchup" or "thank you". 

Right now when they want an apple they'll either say, "I want an apple. BIG!" or "In slices!" And then they ask if it's an apple core when they've eaten all the way to the core.

Jude will help himself to bananas and peel it all by himself.

Noah still likes help peeling bananas. 

Jude always, always, 50 million times a day says "Well, Mom?" or "Uh, Mom?" to tell me something or ask me something. 50 million times. A day.

time out for Mama

The other day the boys were driving me crazy with their constant fighting and bickering and I was about to lose it so I said that I was going to my room for a 5 minute time out because I was feeling angry with how unkind they were behaving toward each other.
When I came back out, they were gone. I sat down and relished the quiet for a minute (am I bad Mom?).
Then they came back in from outside.
Noah: Mom! We were running laps up and down the hill.
Me: Because I was in a time out?
Noah: Yeah. Because we weren't being kind to one another.

Ha. The self-directed discipline of running laps. I should take more time outs.

memories

Loud helicopter sounds coming from outside. Jude runs outside and then hollers:
HEY NOAH!! COME OUT HERE!
and Noah runs and they clamber up on top of the huge water bottles to stand and watch the helicopter together, pointing and watching it as it flies by our house in Kampala.

my bad

The boys were running around with those plastic whiffle ball catchers on their faces.

Jude: Hey Mom! How do ya like my horn?

Me: You look like Hannibal Lecter.

Jude: What's a Hannibal Lecter?

Whoops.

Noah said what?

Today after skyping with Jamie's Dad's side of the family Noah and Jamie were talking about Great-Grandpa.

Noah: Yeah, I forgot about Great-Grandpa.
Jamie: Yeah, he's an old, old man now.
Noah: Is he trying to stay alive?
Jamie and I: *laughter*

crazy parents = crazy kids

Jude came out of his bath and said,
"MOM! GUESS WHAT!??" with a huge smile on his face.
Me: WHAT?
J: Daddy dumped my bath water IN THE TOILET!!!
Me: NO WAY! Was that the craziest thing that ever happened to you?!
J: Yeeeeah. ...  It was.  (big smile)

alternative swears?

Today while the boys were playing with their cars I heard Jude say,

"Hey everyone! Shush out!"

So I said,

"Jude, did you just say 'shush out!'?"

And he said,

"No. I didn't say it, McQueen said 'Shush out!'"

Ha. On both counts. Smarty pants.

what's in a name

Tonight Jude was wearing Noah's name tag lanyard as Jamie got him undressed and ready for bed. Jamie says to him, "That's Noah's. It says 'N-O-A-H'."
Jude: I want to be N-O-A-H.
Jaime: You're J-U-D-E.
Jude: I'm pretending I'm N-O-A-H.

Oh silly boy.